Blurry pictures of Kate Middleton sent the internet into overdrive this week and like a Batshit signal, brought the wildest of speculators out in force.
It all started when the princess underwent some kind of abdominal surgery and as a result, stepped back from public duties and appearances. For many nominally right-wing people, specifically those in some way 'radicalised' during the Covid era, who occupy a space somewhere in between the Tories and the "Far Right", this was enough to conclude that Kate had been "disappeared", perhaps kidnapped or murdered. After all, why would they accept a perfectly sane official version of events when a much more unlikely conclusion could be jumped to? The palace had already said that Kate would be off duty until after Easter. Details, details.
Then, last week the princess published a photo that had been mildly altered, apparently by her own hand. This is very common these days with the advent of digital photography and editing software in the palm of everyone's hands. This modern reality was lost on these people and only gave them more fuel for their imbecilic inferno. It was, for them, absolute proof of their batshit theory. "What's happened to Kate?" they screamed.
Somewhere in this timeline, actual tragedy struck when a minor royal whose name I can't remember and nobody had ever heard of anyway seems to have blown his own head off in a barn. Again the conspiracy shills sprung into action, theorising that this was in some way connected. Kate had had an affair with the dude, who then had to be offed, and a grief-stricken Kate was refusing to come out and play happy families. Then, it was alleged, that William had had an affair with some bird too. Never mind that William and Kate are an obviously happy couple, or perhaps they are just faking it, in a long-running performance, the quality of which must surely win them an Oscar. It was already becoming hard to keep up with this dizzying array of speculation.
Following soon after were fake news reports that the palace had briefed journalists of an imminent announcement. Wild speculation abounded as this bullshit trended on Twitter, the most popular theory being that Kate was dead. All the while, Prince William was happily going about his business with no trace of grief or worry on his face, but that can only be because he's a cold-hearted bastard. It couldn't possibly be that his wife was alive and well. That, for these utter cretins, was too far-fetched.
There was no source for this claim other than a screenshot of a story from an obscure news site. I could find no trace of the story on their website. Anyone asking for a source was either blocked or ridiculed for asking. For many of these fearless seekers and speakers of "the truth", expecting a source for their claims is now some sort of left-wingery.
The grand finale, at least for now, was The Sun newspaper releasing some grainy, long-distance footage of the royal couple at a farm shop. The footage, which was either filmed at a distance on a mobile phone or by a pro from about half a mile away, was immediately seized upon by the same bunch of morons who claimed that this was not Kate, but some kind of impersonator.
There are a couple of issues here. Grainy, long-distance images taken on modern digital equipment and often utilising software to enhance the image and fill in the blanks, will often produce images which are not completely accurate. To zoom in on such images and cast doubt on them is in most cases ridiculous, especially when such confident claims are made as to the inauthenticity of the subject. It's the same kind of dishonest or foolish thinking that claims victims of terrorist attacks are mannequins, that Afghans are clinging onto inflatable aeroplanes, or that Obama's security detail are reptilian shape-shifters.
The second issue is the idea that Kate has been bumped off and replaced with a double. This is part of a wider theory that I only came across this week, whereby there are hundreds of high-profile celebrities and politicians who have been killed or imprisoned and replaced with doubles. Here's a handy list.
The sheer idiocy of this is hard to comprehend. Even Miley Cyrus is on the list. Let's take her as an example. First of all, why? Is she really so important? Are/were her pronouncements dangerous for the regime in some way? The mind boggles. You'd have to find a double that looked convincingly like her, performed just like her, and was convincing enough to fool Billy Ray. You'd then have to replace all of the person's family and friends in case they spoke out about their now fake friend or relative. The same goes for Kate and anyone else on this stupid list. It's simply not credible.
It pains me when I see not just the unhinged noob dissident "truth seekers" and disciples of the messianic neckerchief conspiracy grifter Neil Oliver (yes I did just go there) get taken in by this nonsense because they are perceived by themselves and others to be on the right, and that discredits us all by association. It pains me even more when our guys lean in or are taken in by the same bullshit. It's a gift for the left. I have zero tolerance for it, and I will never stop handing these people's arses to them because I expect better and so should you.
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